This week has been odd. My poor lovey husband came down with a cold a while ago. This week it was confirmed to be either pneumonia or bronchitis. Strange don't you think. I've never heard of someone being told they have either one or the other... but my husband was. So, he's been home and on antibiotics.
You know how we say that we "just want them to be happy".. meaning our love or our children or whomever we decide we care that deeply enough for. Well, I learned that I didn't really. I want them to be happy so long as getting them there doesn't interfere with my happiness even worse.. God forbid... my schedule!
I was not the most wonderful nurse-wife this week. I saw a lot of yuckiness in my heart that could only.. well maybe not only but definitely at least be described as selfishness. I was happy to take care of him. Happy to get him what he needed. NOT so happy to sit and spend my week watching tv with him. I wasn't sick. I had things to do, places to go and people to see. (blech.. I am trying to add a little humor to my shame though) So in the end I decided to just act sick. Not like take meds and mope. (no, I'm not implying anything by saying that) I just decided to let it all go and when I had time to do the things that I so desperately needed to do.. I could do them then.
We ended up having a great week together which ended last night with him reading from C.S. Lewis', Four Loves. We've not read together like we used to. He actually made a joke about me always falling asleep when he reads to me... "well at least 9 years ago you did". Sad huh. But we are once again at a time of life where the demands of the day aren't so overwhelming. We have the energy and peace of mind to sit together and glean from some books the food that feeds our souls and binds our hearts and minds together in a way that only comes from reading together. (long sentence I know)
This week was also "Space Week" at the kids school. OMSI came and set up an exhibit and each day our kids would come home with new facts about the planets that surround ours. Or the stars, or the sun. It was great fun to see their interests peaked in such an intellectual way.
We've been having a good time supplementing their homework with spelling words or math pages that better fit their personal level of understanding than the day to day stuff they bring home from school. This is proving to ignite in all of us an excitement and great anticipation of the fun we will have homeschooling together.
Space week showed us that out of all of them Ethan was the most fascinated with it. (I think his teacher spent more time on it than the others) He was the most likely to have fun facts to share in the evening and enjoyed watching any shows his dad could find on the subject as well as looking things up online with me to help further his understanding and refresh his memory on things like mileage from the sun or rings on a planet. What a joy it's been to explore this with him.
So yesterday, day 7 of Bruce being sick-sick, he decided we needed to mow the back yard. I told him only if he'd let Ethan.. because he shouldn't be putting that much effort out yet. So Ethan mowed, I raked and Bruce and Jesse organized the rocks that for some unknown reason surround the edge of our yard. (the girls were at friends houses and so missed out on the treat of family work!) It was refreshing to get outside. Refreshing to move. Refreshing to see my boys work hard.
As Ethan came around on his first trip past us with the lawn mower, he shouted, "One small step for man. One giant leap for man-kind!" Oh, how these precious boys make my heart sing.
That is exactly what God's been doing in both his father and me this week. Taking us through little steps in our hearts that will mean giant steps for our children, our family as a whole and someday those around us that our lives touch.
My word for the week is "cusp". I've felt it all week. We are on the cusp of something great that God is bringing us into. Freedom, joy and the ability to once again live from the heart. A heart that is less full of us and more full of him. Every time my heart "sings" about one of my children I recognize that as being so much more a symphony than what is has recently been. And then I want to cry. Because I know that God truly is going somewhere with us. He truly is doing something IN us. He truly has us on the cusp of great things!