Friday, April 23, 2010

The Day I Allegedly Met Pioneer Woman!

While I was at the beach over Spring break I received a text from my sister who was unable to come with us.  She was freaking out telling me that Pdub was coming to Ptown on her Spring Book Tour and that we should go together to go meet Her Gloriousness in person.

So we planned.  We prepared.  We debated wearing holey yoga pants.  We searched for child sitter possibilities.  Finally it all came together.  Monday April 19th, 2010 finally arrived!  My sister, who is also called Ree, invited our mother to come with us.  They would be driving together and I would meet them there.  My Ree was bringing Ree Drummond some Sleepy House cookies.  I unknowingly had "bossed" her out of making what she'd wanted to make, Just For Me Brownies.  This was because she thought it would be weird to make something so similar to what I had chose to make, Fudge Decadence.  I didn't think it was weird.  This is where the unknowing bossiness came into play.  It happens easily when you are the oldest and used to lash out selfishly, "You can't wear THAT!  It matches what I'm wearing!".  Sigh.  My sins continue to haunt me.

Anyway, back to MY gift I'd made for Pdub.  As I mentioned, I chose to make Fudge Decadence.  This is basically a homemade brownie covered with an easy homemade fudge.  It truly is decadent.  Or, at least, it's meant to be.  I'm afraid I found it wasn't.  I'd overbaked the brownie and accidentally used milk chocolate chips in the fudge instead of semi-sweet.  They are instead just ok.


I paired my brownie gift with a bottle of Chateau St Michelle, my favorite dessert wine.  So, hopefully it tainted her ability to discern decadent from ordinary.  :)

For some reason, perhaps because we used to be children together and have not yet outlived the number of years we spent in that role, my dear sister and I couldn't resist "competing" for Pioneer Woman's affections.  Obviously because of the fact that she would adopt whichever one of us she was more enthralled with and invite us and our family to live in the lodge as maids or something..(I also have more experience in that role than does my younger, feebler sister.)

I'm not sure how these little "teasings" come about.  What I do know is that once we've entered them, they are hard to control and one of us usually ends up acting up out of insecurity and smashing a ketchup bottle over the head of the other.  Or, umm, something completely random and not at all historically evidenceable like that.

Anyway, we were waiting in the back of the book shop for poor Pdub to arrive who was navigating her way through Beaverton with a faulty navigation system.  Then all of a sudden she was standing in front of us in the isle we had been told to be sure to leave open by the evenings 12yr old MC who's shirt was far too small for him.  She looked at us and said, "I'm sorry for being late", then looked up at the "stage" and said, "I don't know what to do!".  One of the women standing by us said, "Just stay back here with us!".  To which we all agreed heartily.  She giggled with us and then proceeded to walk to the front and speak into the empty microphone stand.  The 12yr old was still holding the mic.

On a side note, there were about 400 women there.  We were shoved into the "event" area at the Beaverton Powell Book store.  We were actually standing outside the store in the mall.  There were speakers placed around the edges of the crowd.  So, the MC would walk around to make sure the aisles were open.  When he walked up behind unsuspecting women, in a crowd of 400 patiently (but not quietly) waiting women, who were blocking the aisle he would speak into the mic reprimanding them.  Then, because they didn't pay attention to him, because his voice was being projected over the crowd and not behind them in line with 400 talking women, he would go on to describe their clothes or something to get there attention.  It drove me nuts.  HELLO!  You are standing 1ft behind them.  Wouldn't it be more convenient and less embarrassing to the poor woman to simply tap her on the shoulder and say, "We need to leave this aisle open".  It wasn't like the woman who was standing on the checkout counter who he decided he needed to point out from across the room.  She deserved to have attention brought to her.  Right?  :)

Anyway.  Pdub was completely gracious and beautiful.  She was open and real.  "I'm not a public speaker and I'm sure there isn't one thing about me that all of you don't already know.  So how about some Q&A time".  She truly is lovely.

We waited 3 hours to have our cookbooks signed.  So we had lots of time to tease and chat with the women around us.  I met a couple of real nice people and wish I would've had the foresight to ask if they blogged and swapped addy's with them!  For shame I know.  Someday I'll learn to think outside of the 40min in front of and behind me.

During our wait we were instructed to turn to a certain page in our book and put a post it there with the correct spelling of our name to speed up the process.  I wrote, "To my best friend Summer Bryan".  My Ree informed me right away that if she truly was my best friend she wouldn't use my last name.  I'm not very good at this teasing/competing game we get sucked into.  So, I started looking for ketchup.  A packet would have done fine.  ;)

When it was finally our turn I handed my phone to mom so she could take some photos of me and my sis with Pdub.  Unfortunately it apparently requires a tripod to get a non blurry shot.  So, here is the photographic evidence of my time with Ree D.

Here is the back of my sister and over her shoulder you can just spy Ree's red locks of lusciousness!  (I say that cause she is always going off about how annoyed she is by her hair!)
Here I am handing her my gift and she is noticing for the first time that she likes my hairs.  ;)  She noticed twice! 
Here she is listening to me explain to her what my gift consisted of.  And though it looks suspiciously like she has a can of Coors Light on the table in front of her.. I can assure you she did not!
Here I am showing my skills of talking with my hands while my sister patiently gets ready for Ree to pay attention to her, um I mean sign her book.  (I am SO just teasing.  I can't even write this and act like I would feel that way.  I love my sister and she deserves lots of attention! As a matter of fact you should pay her this attention and visit her blog, here.)  However, I do believe I was explaining about my hairs that she was liking.  It's not my fault, it's the fault of our other sister AmberLee or Burly Butt as she was called in her infancy.  Oh and yes, this is me without a posed face,, talking while a picture is being taken and so ending up with the chin of some presidential caricature.

Here Ree is signing the page with Charlie on it for my Ree's daughter Hazel Grace.  She was very genuine and obliging.  Oh, and my sister is asking her about her plans to write a children's book about Charlie.  We learned it is finished and will be released this summer!
Here I am explaining our sisterly game of who's liked by her the best.  I said, "We of course understand that you don't really know either of us".  Freakishly trying to regain some measure of being un-insane.  She replied, "Well of course I do".  So,, maybe we aren't the only ones who are crazy!  ;)
Here my phone decided to only be sure to let you know I was there.. with two women who may or not be Ree and Ree.  Ugh.  Anyway.  As soon as we walked away with our signed cookbooks my loving sister pointed out that there was no way I could prove that Pdub had actually signed my book as it read, "Love to my Best Friend Summer Bryan".  No  Ree, no Pdub, no Pioneer Woman.

So, apparently I spent 3 hours in line bantering with my little sister only to suffer a crushing defeat in the end.. without any involvement of ketchup.  I guess I've maintained some proof that I am not fully insane.

When I got home and tried to go to sleep.. it took a while.  I lay there thinking about the fact that Ree Drummond was standing in front of me and I just smiled.  I now know what we I should have suggested she do.  She should have walked down the aisle shaking random peoples hands and kissing random babies like the president would do.  Because after all.. I'm sure that to all of the 400 women present.. she pretty much should be the president anyway.  Or, something like that.

Thanks Ree for coming to Portland.  I hope your family is able to visit sometime with time to explore our great outdoors as well as all of the culturey stuff too.  I know you'd love it!


  1. I love it Summer. How did I not know she was coming to my neck of the woods. I'm kicking myself now ugh.

    I would right more but the baby is crying and the cat is licking me.

  2. Awww, I'm sorry. It was loads of fun and would've been more so if you'd been there!
    You crack me up. I definitely couldn't write either if the cat were licking me. I'd have to go take a benedryl. ;)

  3. Oh Summer you are way way to funny. I found myself laughing out loud through your whole story. I think you should forward this to PW. She did say she reads all her emails! She would LOVE reading it. Plus then she would have a picture of the hair she commented twice about!!!!