As I wrote a couple of posts ago, my husband and I chose the 21st of November as our wedding date. He asked if he could marry me after waiting through 2yrs of desiring to do so. Both of being sure of what we wanted and seeing no reason to have a long engagement, decided 3mo was what it would take to pull of a wedding gala. That left us at the 21st of November.
Now, since then, when it comes time to celebrate Thanksgiving. We are desiring to go spend time together to relish in the wonderful gift marriage has been to us. But we always have to be sure to leave time for preparations of food and whatnot. I always wonder to myself, "What were we thinking getting married so close to a holiday?".
Then, I also mentioned in a previous post that we were blessed to have our first daughter born 13mo after we were married. She was born on Christmas Eve to be exact. Now, she came naturally, I was not induced in any.. medical way. Then our third blessing came on December 30th! So we have two "Christmas" babies. Again, while trying to juggle Christmas get togethers and shopping with Birthday celebrations, I wonder, "What were we thinking?"
Last Christmas Eve my Dear Mother-in-law passed away from Lymphoma that spread to her brain. It was a shock to all of us as the Dr's had been saying she was making progress and would soon be done with treatments and back to her normal self. Then about a week before Christmas she was forgetting names of people who were dear to her. When she was taken to the Dr. to find out what was going on, they gave us news we didn't expect. They said, "You know this is terminal right?". I still get a little angry when I think about it. We weren't the Dr's all we knew was what they had been telling us, and that had been that she would recover. Less than a week later she passed away,, on our oldest daughters birthday, Christmas Eve. I had stayed up late the night before she passed begging God,, please take her tonight, don't let it be on Naomi's birthday. When I got the call about 6:30am I wondered, "God, what are you thinking?"
Now, less than a year later we are getting ready to celebrate our first Thanksgiving without our beloved Maga Becky. If I'm not careful, I get lost in grief over the lack of her presence. Of course I KNOW that she is better off. Of course I can picture her worshipping our Saviour in complete freedom, in absolute beauty. But it still hurts. I grieve for my loss. I grieve for my husbands loss. I grieve for my children and her children and my family and her family and all of her friends and those who by merely being aquainted with her, were touched by the life she lived for Jesus.
My husband is on his way to California. His grandparents traveled down there last week to go see one of their grand daughters get married. On Saturday Grandpa was having a hard time breathing and chest pains. His children that they were staying with are volunteer firefighters and suggested he go to the hospital. Upon arriving he suffered a heart attack which caused his heart and breathing to stop. In trying to resucitate him the ER personell broke his ribs which punctured some organs causing internal bleeding that they didn't find until this morning. Monday they put a pace maker in. Today they stopped the internal bleeding. The thing is he is a dyalasis patient who has now missed 2 treatments. His kidneys are shutting down. So, my Bruce, his Dad and brother are going to be with Grandma and say good-bye to our loving Papa Norman.
Before he left today we got a phone call that my Great Grandma suffered a stroke and has been unable to take food at the Group Home she's been in for the past 2yrs. They don't expect that she will make it much longer either.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and me and our children are preparing to drive to Seattle to spend the day with my Mother-in-law's sister's family as well as my Sister-in-law and her husband. With a heavy heart I am asking, "Why God?"
I feel like he showed me a connection between my two whys. I thought that our getting married so close to Thanksgiving and having children so close to Christmas was just poor planning on our part. But I am seeing that God knew we would suffer heartache around these time that are supposed to be filled with joy and Thanksgiving. I feel that He is showing me that He orchestrated all of these events to fill our joy cup to overflowing so that it would mix with our sorrow cup.. bringing joy into our time of sorrow and easing the pain that these losses bring into our life.
I am thankful today for the CONSTANT hand of God in my life. Wether I am able to see it or not. May I always remeber His promise to never leave me nor forsake me, and that all things work together for my good. May I always give Him glory for it.